Monologue

In the Mind of Patricio

You can say I believe in destiny. I believe in faith and serendipity and all that good stuff but when it comes to love, quite frankly I don’t know what to believe in. I thought I had it all figured out. I suppose I was naïve when I got married. Well I was only 26 years old when I met my wife Elizabeth also known as Eve. We met stormed in at a grocery store during a really bad blizzard. I considered myself young and in love but now I just consider myself stupid. Despite all those horrible fights, the time she threw a jug of water at my face, oh and the time she prank called my boss because she thought it was funny and got me fired…wait what was I trying to say?…oh yea, despite all of that, I have been happily married for 6 years now. Happy? So If I am so happy then why am I staring at a gorgeous young women right now and not feeling the slightest amount of guilt. Is it because I am a male? Males just have this instinct right? So every woman out there that has the “Perfect Man” believes they don’t even look at other women? Well if they aren’t, they are looking at other men then, because Men aren’t perfect. And every woman knows deep down in their gut, that their “Man” is looking at other women thinking things their girlfriends would not like at all. I know that eve doesn’t trust me. And also like women, we cannot control our hormones. But listen it isn’t even about “controlling myself.” Believe me, I want to walk up to this woman right now and ask her out for a beer or something. And the only reason I wont is because I have the spitting image of my wife running at me with a baseball bat in her hand. I am simply controlling myself for the sake of keeping my head. But I cannot live with this anymore! It isn’t even guilt that I am feeling. It is strictly confusion and doubt and maybe even regret. It is literally eating away at me from my insides. Even having a tapeworm actually sounds more bearing than the situation I am in right now. I want to tell my wife how I feel. Honest, I do but How do you tell your wife after six years, “Sorry honey, I know I promised to be their through sickness and in health for sicker or poorer til’ death do us apart.” Wait a second, Is that the only way out? Death? Okay now it sounds like I absolutely hate my wife. No. I want to spare her feelings but on the other hand I want to be truthful but I keep putting it off. I don’t want to tell her that I just thought of dying to get out of marriage with her. I just want to tell her “So yea I have been thinking lately, you want a divorce?” I simply don’t know how you can be with someone for so long and keep that love alive. I just don’t get it, all these old people who are with their husbands and wives for like half a century. And have you noticed they all hate each other? I mean really. I guess you can take account that most of these old people cannot see or hear their spouse by the time they get to be that age anyway. I feel bad for them. Don’t get me wrong for the first couple of years we couldn’t keep our eyes off each other, then as time went on it seems as if we lost interest. I say I am going to my “oh so exciting job” as a waiter at the local restaurant but I am in fact going to the bar with a few of my buddies. “Patricio you are so bad.” My friends tell me. Oh like she is really going to one of those book conventions with her girlfriends every Saturday night. Unless they held these things at a bar or a club, I don’t think so. So I guess this means I do not have much trust in my wife. Then why must I sit here complaining about sparing her feelings when if I let this go any longer, her feelings won’t be spared anyway. I am going to tell her…tomorrow.